Thursday, July 7, 2011

Adventures In Emailing

The company that owns and maintains the apartment where my brother resides recently informed him that his rent was going up via email. My brother decided it would be funny to respond to the leasing agent (who he thought he was somewhat familiar with after almost a full year of fairly regular interaction) as if he was taking the increase very personally thinking that she would immediately understand that it was a joke. Truly, the tone of the email is so utterly outrageous that there is no way this lady should not understand that's it's a joke. She doesn't. 

I thought y'all might enjoy reading it: 

Dear Jane,
So many things I need to say tonight. So many things...
I am glad you have found some humor in the rather unfortunate event of my rent going up Jane. Do I find any humor in it? No, I don't. In fact, I am disgusted by the choice(s) you ladies at Texas Properties have made against me. It is very much personal and I am fully aware of that. I spent half the night last night stressed over the financial decisions I was going to have to make for the upcoming year. I was literally disgusted as I spent sometime throwing up by the toilet. 
Yes, I saw this little scheme coming from day one when I signed the papers at your little lair. Oh I know how it works! Fill the office with these good-looking intelligent types and then just let them wheel and deal there way into a small little fortune...!!! I remember sitting there at your place shifting nervously in my seat as the other two ladies in the office whispered amongst themselves after I had signed the papers. They both had such smug looks on there face. When you see that look, if you have any sense at all, you know you are being taken advantage of mercilessly. They both had that look and I remember one of them asking very condescendingly what I did for a living. 
"I work at a hotel." I replied holding back the anger. 
"Oh cool, I bet that's interesting work." she said in a humiliating tone.
"Yeah, it's not a bad job."
(The tone cannot be felt on paper!)
The lady then went into the back to make some copies of our agreement and I could hear her cackling with the other lady in the office. I couldn't make out exactly what was being said but I did distinctly hear the term "uneducated" being thrown around followed by more cackling. Needless to say, I felt very much violated. I became hyper aware of the stain on my shirt that I had just recently acquired from mishandling a croissant at the coffee shop near by and I was sure that both ladies had taken note of it.
And look where we were at now Jane ... You're about to throw me out on the street like some rat to show my apartment to some college hunk or Japanese girl looking to use my house as a study near UT in some field that I probably cannot even pronounce correctly. Well, I hope you're happy! I hope you're all happy and laughing down at Texas Properties!!!. But the joke is on you because I will have the money this week for my rent as well as a pen in hand to sign on for another year at MY location. If you think you can systematically weed me out with a little upping of the rent well you are wrong sister. YOU ARE WRONG SISTER.

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