Friends With No Strings Attached

Picture this: ballet practice for Black Swan. Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis stretching . . . 

Natalie: What's up Mila?

Mila: Not a whole lot. I just signed on to do this ridiculous romantic comedy about whether or not two people can have sex without getting attached to one another.

Natalie: Interesting . . .

Mila: Yeah, they're looking for a hot goof-ball type to play the lead male role.

Natalie: Really?

Mila: Yeah, my agent says I need to do something light and fluffy after this crazy intensity fest. Plus, I need a lead in something mainstream to step out of your shadow a bit. No offense.

Natalie: None taken. When does your movie come out?

Mila: July 2011.

Natalie: Oh! Good! 

Mila: Why is that good?

Natalie: I don't know . . .

Julian Assange: Houseguest

This is hilarious.  

Odd Dancer

Last week I went to Austin for SXSW to soak up as much free entertainment as possible. I could give you an overall description of what SXSW 2011 felt like, but this  Ann Powers person did a good job of summing it up. If you're looking for generalizations start there, because I'm about to get into some minutia. 

I saw some fairly outrageous acts, but nothing could have prepared me for the sideshow that I alone paid attention to in a sea of sweaty, drunk people during Odd Future's set at the Fader Fort. 

This performance that I am referring to was made possible by a dorky white dude in his early twenties and an attractive young lady around the same age. It was apparent that they were dating, but judging from their rapport and body language I'm fairly certain is was a new thing- three to four weeks tops. I could tell from the look of absolute horror that spread across her face about two songs into Odd Future's set that she had never attended a hip hop concert with her new beau, and was taking in his awkward, yet very aggressive freak-nasty dance moves for the very first time. I could not take my eyes off of them.

At first she pretended like he was kidding and playfully pushed him away, but when he began ferociously grinding the side of her leg, she could no longer deny that he was serious. So she scooted over a bit and tried to do her own thing which only seemed to entice him. By the end she was squirming in his arms while he desperately tried to channel [insert culturally relevant hip hop artist of your choice here] and keep the beat. This involved a lot of what's-up-head-nods to imaginary friends and the occasional licking of his lips while attempting to stare into the eyes of his 'boo' as she scanned the audience, probably praying to God that she wouldn't see anyone she knew. 

I'm thinking this duo broke up immediately after exiting the Fader Fort, but I will be forever grateful for the spectacular entertainment they provided me while Tyler the Creator rapped about . . . well, who knows. 

Oh Curveball, You Little Rascal You!

I watched the Curveball interview on 60 Minutes this evening and as I suspected he seemed to fall somewhere between an opportunist and a nut.  Just in case you stopped caring, Curveball is the code name for the Iraqi defective who supplied the 'intelligence' which would become the Bush administration's justification for invading Iraq. 


For those of you who might be saying to yourself, "damn liberal media, this guy is a hero"not so fast. In response to public criticism an investigative committee (which was launched by Bush) released a report in March 2005 with some fairly damning conclusions about Curveball. His German intelligence handlers found him to be "crazy . . . out of control", a US physician working for the Department of Defense suspected he might be an alcoholic and (my personal favorite) his friends describe him as a "congenital liar." 


Yep, this guy was the crux of Colin Powell's argument to the United Nations for the invasion of Iraq. 


Why would someone do this? Former CIA agent Tyler Drumheller (who is the former chief of CIA covert operations in Europe) candidly stated that this was a guy who needed a German Green Card and was playing the system. 


So it looks like this was our equation for war:


(Dick Cheney + Halliburton)  x  (George Bush + a score to settle with Hussein) x (an Iraqi who needed a Green Card) = Invasion of Iraq. 


Totally reasonable. 


If you would like a more comprehensive view of the war in Iraq check out this very detailed timeline. 

Dangerous Liasions

If you were a teenager in the late 90s (like I was) chances are you caught the movie Cruel Intentions. Even as a sixteen year old viewer, the film seemed pretty weak to me. First, the character of Cecile (played by Selma Blair) is supposed to be naive, not mentally challenged. Unfortunately, Roger Kumble (the director) and Blair didn't take the time to ensure this distinction was clear. Second, and most importantly, it doesn't matter how wealthy or educated, American teenagers simply do not talk slowly and deliberately. 


Despite these obvious oversights on the part of the filmmakers the movie is regrettably somewhat of a guilty pleasure for me. If I come across it on television I'll watch for at least twenty minutes even though I've seen it about fifty times (thanks to a high school pal with a serious Ryan Phillippe obsession). 


I've known for some time that the movie was a 'modern' take on the film Dangerous Liasions which stars Glenn Close, John Malkovich, and Michelle Pfeiffer, but I had never taken the time to watch  it even though I love each of those actors, especially John Malkovich. 


Last night, my husband and I watched Red, which was decent, but left me hungry for more Malkovich. So, I downloaded Dangerous Liasions. What a delicious movie! It's slightly melodramatic, but the dialogue is razor sharp, and much more believable since we're dealing with adult French aristocrats circa 1760 instead of modern day Manhattan teens. It's definitely the kind of movie you want to watch while sipping a bold red wine and occasionally popping a piece of dark chocolate in your mouth. And Malkovich is pitch perfect! Three parts sensual and one part creepy, he was born to play Valmont! Also, I think he's the only man who could get away with hissing at someone he doesn't like. 


Here's an interesting little tidbit- playing the parts of Valmont/Sebastian and Madame de Tourvel/Annette must be pretty intense since Malkovich and Pfeiffer ended up having an affair while filming Dangerous Liasions that ended his marriage, and Phillippe and Witherspoon became pregnant and were married after filming Cruel Intentions. 

Snakes and Babies

I would like to issue an apology to my flock of loyal followers (most of you know me, but for those who don't, I'm not that grandiose- just really sarcastic). I'm sorry that I've been slacking on the blog this past week. My work duties temporarily expanded, but are returning to normal tomorrow. 


As you might have read in my very first post, I won't be discussing my work. But I do feel compelled to tell you all that every once in awhile my job requires that I ask, "Hey did you grab the snakes? What about the babies?"

I Need A Trampoline

I already have a Boxer. I will be purchasing a trampoline as soon as possible. Happy hump day!