Covert Hostility

Why does the U.S. always seem to have some character that we're socially stoning? Does this happen in other countries? Do they do this sort of thing in other parts of the world or are they content to watch our little melodramas unfold and roll their eyes?


I am so tired of this routine: a well known human being makes a mistake that has very little impact on the rest of us and everyone starts weighing in, masking their judgement with "concern." Ugh. 


And don't attempt to go against the grain- you will be judged too! I remember last year I told several people that I thought we all needed to lay off Tiger Woods. You would have thought I suggested bringing back ritual child sacrifice. 


Maybe I'm crazy, but when I watch this interview it's the interviewer that annoys me, not Charlie. She's so condescending, and he's not having it! "You're proud of that party moment?" Come off it lady! Haven't you ever been proud of a party moment? We've all done crazy things and most of us relish retelling those stories to our closest friends. I'm not saying I would like to talk about stuff like that on Good Morning America, but I'm also not being asked to, thank goodness. 

My brother and I were discussing this social stoning phenomenon tonight and he used the words "covert hostility." Take notice during all this Charlie Sheen coverage- everyone is covertly hostile. It's so bizarre. All the commentators are saying stuff like "I hope he gets help before it's too late" but I get the sense that they don't mean that at all. It's like they want something tragic to occur. 


Well, I'm going to say it: I like Charlie Sheen and I mean it. He seems fun. I'm not sure I would want to spend an entire evening with him, mainly because I don't think I could keep up, but I bet he could really liven up a happy hour. You know he has some craaazy stories that would keep everyone in stitches! 


Keep winning Charlie! 

The Beaver

Thoughts that went through my head while watching this trailer (in order):


Is this Mel Gibson's biopic? 


No.


Oh man, this is so meta.  


The main character's name should be Lem not Walter. 


A hand puppet?


With a British accent?


Am I watching a Funny or Die sketch? 


Oh my goodness- this is for real. 


Does Mel Gibson ever blink?


I can't believe the line, "this is a joke, right?" made the trailer.


Is this going to have some sort of horrific twist? Is "the beaver" going to start slaying everyone? 


Man, Jodie Foster is such a good friend.


"I fought for you! And I will continue to fight for you because I love you!" Sooo meta! 


I wonder if The Beaver will be worse than Maverick. 


Not possible.

The Civil Wars

I'm really excited about the possibility of catching The Civil Wars during SXSW. Their performance on The Tonight Show was awesome and definitely worth viewing. At first glance you might think that the other Bush twin (Barbara) and Johnny Depp got together and formed a band. Nope! It's Joy Williams and John Paul White. I think these two might have some staying power . . .

Chumming for Sharks

Chumming is the practice of luring animals (usually fish) by tossing chum into the water. Chum usually consists of fish entrails and blood. This will attract large fish, particularly sharks, due to their keen sense of smell. Chumming can sometimes create a feeding frenzy. 


In ecology, a feeding frenzy is a situation where over saturation of a supply of food leads to rapid feeding by predatory animals. 

Rolling Stone knew what they were doing with the Justin Bieber article. They were chumming. And the sharks smelled blood in the water . . .

I'm sure Joy Behar's little tirade helped Rolling Stone sell a few more copies of their magazine. Unfortunately the rest of us are all trapped in the nonsense that is the 'aftershock' of Bieber's pro-life stance. 


Meanwhile an adolescent Bieber is probably vowing never to assert his opinion again. Poor chum! 

Missing Missy

This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time.  

The Romantics

Yes, it's as bad as it looks. I watched this film today, because I was slightly hungover and needed something with a muted color palate. The overcast skies and earth-toned cardigans were soothing, but the storyline, character development, and casting were horrible. Josh Duhamel as a brooding academic? The dude from Las Vegas who's married to Fergie? 

I kept imagining Duhamel trying to get into character by doing stuff like wearing fake glasses and telling  Fergie that her point was "mute" while on their way to spray tan.  

I Gotta Say

I love the Hipster Little Mermaid meme.  

Something Precious

Suppose you were nominated for an Academy Award, which would you practice more: your acceptance speech or the composed look of gracious reconciliation you would be forced to offer if you lost?   


If I had been up against sweet little Anna Paquin I would have accepted defeat with a sincere smile.  Before she was Sookie Stackhouse she was an adorably overwhelmed 11 year old kid trying to muster up the courage to say thank you to a very large room of adults.  Her speech is so precious. Watch it here! 

That's Quite Enough Fergie

If you needed a reminder of how many terrible songs The Black Eyed Peas have produced throughout their incomprehensible career then I hope you caught the Superbowl Halftime Show. While songs like "Boom Boom Pow" and "Where Is The Love?" were damn near torturous to take in, I think the most deflating moment of the performance was this-

When Slash emerged from the depths of that monstrous stage wearing a disproportionately sized silver bedazzled top hat the part of myself that is perpetually ten years old slowly began to die.  And then Fergie started . . . singing?  And snake-dancing! She had the nerve to snake-dance!


I miss Axl. 

Most Mockable Nylon Interviews

This one goes out to all the ladies who are stuck in front of a television set pretending to care about football. (Why do you do that to yourselves?) Maybe this will keep you entertained between commercials.  


As I've mentioned before, I love mockumentaries. I think my favorite is probably Best In Show, but This Is Spinal Tap definitely holds a special place in my heart as it was my introduction to the genre. I wish Rob Reiner or Christopher Guest would crank out more of these sorts of films, but at least I have found a suitable alternative to tide me over between releases: Nylon TV.


In case you don't know, Nylon is a fashion magazine and Nylon TV is basically an interview of whoever is on the cover that month. The horrendous editing combined with the blase Indie music makes the interviewee seem truly ridiculous. If I had zero knowledge of what I was watching and someone told me that these clips were for an upcoming mockumentary I would completely believe them.  


Some of these interviews are worse (or better?) than others so I'll save you the time of trying to find the most mockable. Here we go:


#5 Lindsay Lohan


This one isn't as silly as the others, but I had to include it since she's supposed to come up with ten things and she comes up with eleven! Eleven! (Only Spinal Tap fans will get that.) And her manic disposition is pretty funny, especially when midway through a sentence she begins to suck on her thumb in this seemingly absent minded way that was probably a concerted effort to be provocative.

#4  Mary Kate Olsen


I like to imagine what sort of instructions the photographers are giving them. "That's it Mary-Kate! Whimsical child prostitute strung out on heroin playing in mommy's caftan!" She is so utterly chill about the fashion component of her billion dollar empire that it's kind of irritating, but I guess that's what happens when success finds you in infancy.

#3 Taylor Momsen


"Well, The Pretty Reckless is pretty much me." I wonder what the other members of The Pretty Reckless think about that statement. There's a lot of good stuff in this one.

#2 M.I.A.


Oh M.I.A., you kill me. " . . . a bit emo . . . and a bit digital ruckas. Mosh-pit. It's kind of nuzak. It's infotainment!" I don't know if it's the accent, but she is totally Nigel-ing out in this interview.

#1 Tokio Hotel


I love that the name of their band is Tokio Hotel, but that they've never been to Tokyo. Oh, and that they take the time to explain that their hair is not naturally jet black.  

Anne Boleyn

We're having a "snow day" here.  Even though the amount of snow we've received is laughable absolutely everything is closed so I have spent the day curled up with The Lady in the Tower by Alison Weir.  This book is a historical account of the last four months of the life of Anne Boleyn. I'm about halfway through, and it's turning out to be a fairly juicy read as far as these sorts of books go.  


Anne Boleyn is one of my favorite historical figures. I find her life and tragic death completely captivating, and I enjoy learning the actual facts regarding her rise and fall as much as I enjoy the more sensationalized versions of her personality in movies, television, and novels. Writers tend to over sexualize her, but that obviously makes for better entertainment.  

I loved the novel The Other Boleyn Girl, but the movie was dreadful- too condensed, not enough character development. Such a shame, because it could have been awesome. Lot's of people say Natalie Portman did a bad job as Anne, but I just don't think she had enough to work with. I've watched clips of Natalie Dormer's Anne Boleyn on The Tudors and I think she's fabulous. However, my absolute favorite Anne Boleyn portrayal is Genevieve Bujold's. She won a Golden Globe and received an Academy Award nomination for her lead role in Anne of the Thousand Days opposite Richard Burton.  

Here's a clip of my favorite scene from Anne of the the Thousand Days. The first part is a little sappy, but when she and Richard Burton have their final blowout things get pretty intense. This might be an unnecessary setup, but Anne Boleyn has been placed in the Tower of London on charges that she has been unfaithful to the King. In this version the charges were bought and paid for by Henry (most historical accounts claim she was setup by Cromwell) so that he would be free to marry Jane Seymour. Henry still loved Anne (in his psychopathic way) but was afraid that she would not provide him with a male heir. Genevieve Bujold does an amazing job delivering her lines, and I've never seen someone take a slap to the face with so much dignity. She is pure indignation and I love it!

The Problem With Mush

So as I've mentioned before I have some major concerns about our national debt, and I don't understand why more people are not completely outraged by our government's fiscal irresponsibility.  Some of you might say, "but wait, didn't President Obama announce that he would begin working on the national debt at the beginning of his presidency?  Is there still hope for change we can believe in?"  

The short answer is no. 

I think part of the reason that people have such difficulty mustering the energy for concern is because our brains turn to mush when we hear numbers like billion or trillion. Well guess what- politicians capitalize on this mush factor.  They know fully well that Americans hear "100 million dollars in budget cuts" and think, "wow, that's a lot. Maybe they are trying to get this thing under control." 

I came across a great video that explains exactly how insignificant 100 million dollars is in comparison to 3.5 trillion dollars. I know the national debt isn't the sexiest topic on the Internet, but the video is less than two minutes. You should watch.

This was created in 2009 after Obama made his announcement. You might be wondering, "is this still relevant?"

The short answer is more than ever.  


So to all you diehard Obama supporters, which prospect is more unsettling- that he has no concept of 100 million in comparison to 3.5 trillion, or that he's counting on the fact that you don't?