Thursday, September 1, 2011

Automatic For the People (And You Know Who You Are)

Dear Matt Nordgren,

After watching three episodes of Most Eligible Dallas I have decided that while you are not the most unlikable character (I'll get to you in a second Courtney) you are by far the creepiest. Yes, you beat out the fifty year old soul patch sporting disc jockey.

When you're driving around Dallas 'calling up the ladies' I am truly scared for them. What's going on with the removed tone and the delayed laugh? Are you a serial killer? Maybe the girls you call don't mind the inevitable group date, because their gut is telling them that there's safety in numbers. 

Dear Courtney,

When I watch you stare into a mirror that rests under the giant letters that spell out your name while a camera crew films you talking on the phone it makes me wonder how long you've been wanting to be famous. I also wonder how much of you is devoted to the conversation you are having and how much is devoted to studying your own facial expressions. My guess is 20/80. 

Dear Glenn,

You're somewhat superficial, but super nice. Therefore, I'll just say this: I love your Cadillac. For real.

Dear Drew,

You're still my fave! While your smokeless cigarette is ridiculous, I know you watched the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and it delights me to imagine that you are smoking it facetiously. I love that you bought Glenn for Courtney even though you had recently been on a terrible, terrible date and deserved to have some fun. I also love that in next week's episode you and Courtney get into it. I hope you push her butt-dones. 

Dear Tara,

You're still not compelling. 

Dear Neil,


Dear Bravo Producers,

Looks like we have another Miami Social on our hands, huh? 

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